Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
