chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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