i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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