She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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