If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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