I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
