Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
