no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
