Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
