i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize