I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
