I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
