On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Randomize