he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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