please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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