my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
