Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
