you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Randomize
