a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize