All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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