literally had 100 drinks last night.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
