I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
