Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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