She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
