im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
