why didn't you poke me back
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
