That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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