i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
