I showed him my bush... on skype.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
