Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
