I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
