he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
