who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
