she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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