im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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