You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
