All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize