I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize