i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
