just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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