My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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