omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
where are my eyebrows?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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