its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
