I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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