Yo dont text me then not text me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
