My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
