yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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