apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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