i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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