Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
