absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize