WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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