I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
