WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
