He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
