Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
