Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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