just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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