8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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