thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
