y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
