You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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