Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Apparently you make a good broom.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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