dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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