I wannas sexs uuuuu
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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