I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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