Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
