Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
