I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Let's get the cat blown out
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
