Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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