I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I came so hard my ears popped.
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