You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
