I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
