dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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