I think my fart just growled at me.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
