Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
