My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize