I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
