Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You don't make any sense
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