His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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