Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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