He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The Olympian is in my bed
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize