I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
